it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize