When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
