Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
