Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
