I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
