I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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