Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
