Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
