he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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