that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize