He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
