its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize