i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
