So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
