And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
