handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
