he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
