Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She even gives head with a lisp.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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