Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
