i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
