At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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