i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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