you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
