I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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