Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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