for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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