I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
vagina is talking i cant
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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