Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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