Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My liver just had a heart attack.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize