It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
