Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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