The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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