Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
