dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
