I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
