I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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