now i know why i became what i already was.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
