your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
