Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
