If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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