The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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