Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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