He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
