Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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