I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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