my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
