Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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