It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize