I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
