I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
