life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
