I'm lost and stupid without you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
