I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize