If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm really into asian looking animals
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
