I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
