Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize