If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
