I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
