you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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