If i come over, it means nothing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
