he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
