Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
