Don't you send me to vm
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
