I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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