those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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