Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
