meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I touched a dick in church today
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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