Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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