I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
