I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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