He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
