guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
