I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
