I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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