I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
