Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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