I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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