you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
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