I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I checked into jail on foursquare
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
