I feel great
I just peed on a car
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
