Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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