hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
