You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
