Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
