He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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