I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
