look no pants
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
