I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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