I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
