I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
