so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize