Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
