Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
"it" just moved
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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