I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
