If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm passing your future prison.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
