i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
