how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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