So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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